


Letter to Ash

by le0pika



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Feels, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Past Character Death, References to Catcher in the Rye (1951)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:01:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25907770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/le0pika/pseuds/le0pika
Summary: Eiji writes a letter to Ash ten years after he dies.
Relationships: Ash Lynx & Okumura Eiji, Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Comments: 6
Kudos: 56





	Letter to Ash

Ash— It’s been 10 years.

I bet you’d laugh if you saw me now, the way I’ve aged these past years. I’ve gained a bit of weight too. I moved to New York after your death. I’m a photographer here now. I wish you could see my photos. I’m fluent in English now, though I still have my accent, of course. I learned it better so I could write a more coherent letter for you. I’ve been fluent for a while, and I’m finally writing it now.

New York has changed so much. I always saw it as your city, Ash, the way you molded that city to be your world. I suppose it shouldn’t have surprised me, but I was shocked when it moved on and changed without you.

Everyone else has changed too. Sing is the head of a trading company now. He’s married to Akira, Ibe-san’s nephew. Yut Lung does some business in Hong Kong, though I don’t know the specifics. Cain Blood is a lawyer. Michael, Max’s son, helps me with my photography. Ash, I wonder what your job would be. Something real smart, I bet. With that high IQ of yours.

Ash, remember the Catcher in the Rye? I finally read that book. I remember you told me about it at the public library. At the end of the book, Holden says he wants to be the catcher in the rye, someone who prevents children from slipping into the clutches of adulthood. I can see now that you wanted to be my catcher. But did you know that I wanted to be yours as well? You had already fallen, but I wanted to pull you back up— so we could meet in between childhood and adulthood. But I suppose you slipped away...

Ash, I never thought you would die so soon. Especially not right after I left America. When Ibe-san and I returned to his office in Tokyo to develop our pictures, we found a paper on the fax machine. It was from Max. He says you were stabbed by Lao and that Sing found you.

Why, Ash? I made a promise to you that I would stay by your side forever.

Ash... I feel guilty. I feel ashamed. Even so many years later, my pain is immeasurable, unfathomable, infinite.

What could I have done to save you? That is all I think about, even now.

Do you remember my letter? And remember the conversation we had near the sea at sunset? We talked about the snow leopard in Hemingway’s story. Ash, I have read that story so many times by now. Yet each time, I still look for the hidden clues, the symbols, the reasons. Why did the snow leopard die on the mountain? Was it that he died trying to climb down, or that he knew he couldn’t survive and stayed near the top of the mountain? Anyways, it was written in his fate that he would die.

But you, Ash—I said that you aren’t a snow leopard. You can change your fate. You have an IQ greater than 200, right? So of course you can change your fate.

It makes me scared that you stayed on the mountain. This is what scares me the most, Ash.

When I came back to New York for the funeral, Sing told me that Lao did not hit any of your vital organs. He also says you have survived worse injuries. So tell me, Ash. You had a chance to turn your fate around, right? Why didn’t you climb down the mountain? Why did you stay?

Ash, I’m scared of the answer. But at the same time, I want to know. Even after so many years, I, who knew you the best, still don't know what went on inside your brain that day. Ash, you are still a mystery to me.

But I hope that before you died, you were truly happy. Ash, I hope i was able to make a mark on your life like you did mine.

Ash, thank you for everything.

**Author's Note:**

> you can also find this letter as a thread on my Twitter, @LE0PIK. https://bit.ly/32BRBtN


End file.
